Living with Guilt… Wishing for Death…

Guys today I am going to tell you a story that I just saw and today I feel really guilty that I didn’t do anything. Now I have understood his point of view and I think the same and wish for the same things he did.

Once I had a friend. He never really cared about anything. He just said life is to collect good deeds and then die. I never believed him. I have always said that he should take life seriously. He always laughed at me and said that is so boring. Wania, you will not understand until it all happens with you. You won’t understand how is it living with guilt in your heart. How is it to wish for death every day. I only smiled and said you are weird. He smiled back and changed the subject.

Time passed on and one day. I involved myself in a big accident. The accident affected me so much that I just wanted to be left alone and think and think and think. Never speak to anyone. Never leave my loneliness. I was in love with loneliness. In love with darkness. At that time. He helped me. More than I have ever expected from anyone. Not even my own Parents. But how would they have helped when I never told them. I got my revenge from several people who made me get caught in this accident.

But the thing that I didn’t know was that I have changed and will never go back to normal. After some time, I left that school, and my contact with my very best friend cut off. I went my own way, thinking I was normal. He went his own way, thinking now is his time to live.

We both were terribly wrong. After 1 and a half years, his best fellow met me in a market one day. My mother was busy shopping so I took his number.

When I reached home, I talked to him. I asked him how were all the other group fellows. He replied that all was fine but….. he was not. By he I mean my best friend. I asked him what happened to my best friend. “ Wania, he became blind. Don’t you know? ”.

It was then that I felt my world collapsing. He became blind. I asked him how. He said do you remember the person who made you get caught in the ‘accident’. Yes, I replied. He said that one person from his group threw acid at my best friend’s eyes because he helped me get revenge. My heart was breaking from guilt. My best friend was blind because of me and I was just watching. HE GOT BLIND. HE GOT BLIND. HE GOT BLIND. HE GOT BLIND. The words kept repeating in my head. That day I cried a lot ut what was the use of tears. They won’t bring him back what he lost. Will they?

That best friend of mine, who got blind because of helping me was Haris Azam. The only one who wished for death.

I asked Haris’ best fellow that why did he help me? What was in it for him? He replied that Haris’s sister was also involved in the same accident as me. But it was way severe than mine. She died. And helping you make the guilt on his heart a bit less.

Now I know how it is to wish for death after getting tired of life. And mostly what is guilt. GUILT OF SEEING EVERYTHING BUT NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR BELOVED PEOPLE.

Love, WaniaKhan…